@bathflyer: My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he's swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years..
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jonmsutton: Sometimes I regret teaching my children an evidence-based approach to life #FathersDay
@SmokeyDokey43: 1:40am. I get up to pee and step on a squeaky dog toy. He grabs a bat by the bed and yells, "Fried chicken!" So are the days of our lives.
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
@AngelaEhh: This liquid diet crap is a scam. I've been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I'm still fat.