@bathflyer: My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he's swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years..
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@animadvertguy: 1816: a grizzly bear ate my mom as she fetched drinking water. 1916: I'm in a muddy trench, bleeding internally. 2016: IM OFFENDED!
@CopBroughtPizza: and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE
@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out