@DanOverHere: My boss asked me for a brief word. I said "underpants?" and we laughed and laughed and I'm clearing out my desk.
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@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
@TheToddWilliams: ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*
@nickcreelman: Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.
@ericsshadow: Would you get your phone if you dropped it in a toilet? 1996: eww that's gross 2016: head first without thinking