@DanOverHere: My boss asked me for a brief word. I said "underpants?" and we laughed and laughed and I'm clearing out my desk.
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@NoDomesticDiva: A friend said she thinks she should buy her teen a chastity belt. I said try perming her bangs, that worked well for me when I was younger.
@seamussaid: I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains
@_ElvishPresley_: [commercial for boiling water] *enemies at castle wall are splashed with cool refreshing water* castle guard: there must be a better way!