@DanOverHere: My boss asked me for a brief word. I said "underpants?" and we laughed and laughed and I'm clearing out my desk.
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@XGroverX: "I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby." Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned "Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."
@Reverend_Scott: When I lift one of my dog's muddy paws to clean it he acts like he's gonna fall down. DOG YOU STILL GOT 3 LEGS. I ONLY GOT 2
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Movie tickets for 4: $56 Popcorn: $16 Hot dogs: $20 Sodas: $14 Candy: $15 Parking: $5 Seeing the smiles on your family's faces: $126
@lisaxy424: I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial.