@Sassafrantz: My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers.
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@Elizasoul80: My 7 year old has been asking a lot of questions this Christmas season and I'm worried that it might be the last year he believes that Bitcoin is real.
@krustythe_klown: [12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!
@ohen39: me: *crying* I think I have lost my perception of time doctor: when did it start? me: [reaching for tissue] 6000 years ago
@BoogTweets: Robin: Well, I'm a terrible fighter. I get held hostage hella easy. I say "holy" literally about anything that happens Batman: You're hired