@Sassafrantz: My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers.
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@NASHterpiece: I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
@InternetHippo: [meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese
@meganamram: Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies