@LuvPug: My boss called in sick of me
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@yeetztweetz: this may be controversial to some of you, but ratatouille would demolish stuart little in a fight and it wouldn't even be close
@EndhooS: [1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?
@Cuntypants: Sorry I yelled "SURPRISE!" when you caught me in bed with your husband. I was unaware that you don't like surprises.