@ilovepie84: My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family.
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@Playing_Dad: Welcome to passive aggressive club. We're so happy you came twenty minutes late. Sure, get a cup of coffee, we'll wait.
@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why you were pulled over, respond, "I'm actually not allowed to discuss the details of the case"
@SkylarGarland: "I'll catch up with you, I just have to make ONE more joke on Twitter" (How I'd die in a horror movie)