@ilovepie84: My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family.
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@TheBoydP: A no carb diet can make you detached, remote and standoffish so occasionally you should eat aloof of bread.
@DearAuntAbby: I need to pick up a random hunky guy in a bar, bring him home, have him invite a friend, and THEN mention that I need furniture rearranged
@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
@leechee420: $10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that'd be a great name for my new baby!"