@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
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@Iwriteforcats: THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT'S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It's raining men.
@envydatropic: In the 80s they used an egg in a frying pan to demonstrate a brain on drugs only because they didn't have Twitter in the 80s
@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.
@JustDontBugMe: Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!? *5mins later* Me: I need a new room.