@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
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@AlexRogaski: The difference between running and jogging is that runners compete in races and joggers find dead bodies on Law and Order
@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell "THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!" until I'm kicked out
@trims_the_fat: Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
@DurtMcHurtt: [dinner at brother's house] "So where are the kids?" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*