@KentWGraham: My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son’s Little League games ever since he learned he’s in his second year of college.
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@TheTrueDocLove: I'm bored I think I'll go to the mall, find a really good parking spot and sit there with my reverse lights on.
@PJTLynch: "Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*
@jergarl: I don't think peeing on a goose is the right answer.. But on the other hand.. I'm not sure it's the WRONG answer. -Drunk me at a zoo