@why_vann: My boss just asked me why I wasn't working.. ..i told em cuz I didn't see him coming
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@Holy_Mowgli: GOD: *holds up dinosaur* what do we call this thing AARON: aardvark GOD: no you're fired LLOYD: llama GOD: fired PTOBY: hang on, I got this
@panmidwest: [Calling concert venues across the country] Hi yes, I'm just calling to let you know that on your website you spelled "weekend" incorrectly
@LackOfShame: Her: Something's changed in here. Me: I put a new bulb in. Her: Well it's not very bright Bulb: Okay wow I'm like right here.