@osigat: My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint.
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@SardonicTart: Christian Bale has done ok for himself considering he's named after a religious bundle of hay.
@ewfeez: *at snowman mortuary* Ma'am was your husband's wish to be liquified or broken into chunks and thrown at the people he hated?
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"
@Stellacopter: Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I'd be like cool I'm going home to eat.