@osigat: My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint.
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@McGrumpenstein: - What was high school like for you? *2h22m later - That was just the plot to Shawshank Redemption Me: Granted, the similarities are uncanny
@TheWadest: Don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. You can get at least ten grand for one of your kidneys.
@pro_failure: I've stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,"I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait."
@HatfieldAnne: Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We’re all just too embarrassed to ask now.