@No_Job_Joe: My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on.
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@kelkulus: My office got a shredder, so now I have to buy a turtle costume to fight it on Monday. Work is hard.
@Quartzjixler: I hate when I read something so offensive on Twitter that my monocle falls out of my eye and into my brandy snifter.
@carlyken: If you ever catch me staring blankly during our conversation it's because I can't remember if it's my turn to say words or yours.