@nettie0918: My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce.
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@kayleighpuget: "Am I the only one who-?" There are over 7 billion people on earth. No. No you're not the only one.
@WheelTod: When I can't afford strobe lighting for my house parties, I just ask everyone to blink in time to the music instead.
@boring_as_heck: You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges.
@Taryn_: That awkward moment when someone is cooking fish in the office and all the girls begin sniffing themselves.