@nettie0918: My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce.
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@urgeekisshowing: I'm writing a horror story. It's about a girl who forgets her headphones and her colleagues think it's ok to talk to her. So much blood.
@OutOfLeftField_: I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
@alexjmann: I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.
@pinupteacher: *date leans in* Tell me something I don't know about you. *I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.