@AllieA: My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
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@lemonmartinis: Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells CRAP really loud then people scurry like mad
@AndrewNadeau0: VILLAIN: *Stroking cat* I've been expec- BOND: OMG your kitty is so cute! Can I pet him?! V:*Whining* Tiiim, you said this was intimidating!
@WilliamRodgers: I'm not sure which is worse: People who force their religion on you... Or Anyone who's ever said "Oh it's because I'm a Virgo."