@XplodingUnicorn: My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.
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@ProdigyNelson: [bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop
@rad_milk: as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water
@BuckyIsotope: Sir, the children at the petting zoo are unhappy. They think our animals are lame *stares off into distance* We're gonna need a bigger goat