@XplodingUnicorn: My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs? me: im trying to tell you
@therealeatwood: I’m usually more of a Samantha but sometimes I am such a Carrie, like when a bucket of blood got dumped on my head at prom
@13spencer: I'm going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game: What food is rotting in the office kitchen?