@TheMichaelRock: My boss said to "treat customers like you treat your mother", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails.
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@jimmy_sharpe: [lights focus on guy in interrogation room] "Say it. SAY IT." *points at sign saying "Worcestershire Sauce"*
@CulturedRuffian: Doughnuts alone won't fill the emptiness in your soul...you'll also need chocolate milk.
@GrabTheWEness: I lost 30 lbs, and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now, though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.
@TheRolo: Nurse: You can come inside now. *Stands up* *Dusts off jacket* *Straightens bow tie* *Fastens cufflinks* *Ahem* "That's what she said"