@UGotMeRight: My boss says I need to work on my people skills & he needs to work on his changing four slashed tires skills.
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@PaperWash: dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]
@Jenny4ashley: No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
@KeetPotato: never trust a person who says they don't like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them
@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’