@UGotMeRight: My boss says I need to work on my people skills & he needs to work on his changing four slashed tires skills.
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@Tuna_Lover: Things to get done: Make coffee, Drive a train high on cocaine, Rent a lion to eat my neighbor's dog, clean up mess from that lion thing.
@TheHyyyype: COWORKER: turn that frown upside-down! ME: *rotates head 180 degrees along vertical axis as eyes go black and lights flicker* CW: uuhh...
@Havish_AF: I call my ex "Appendix" because he didn't seem to have a specific purpose and removing it didn't change a thing in my life.
@Home_Halfway: DATE: So what do you like to do? ME: Enter hot dog breeding contests DATE: You mean "eating?" ME: *thrusting hot dogs together carefully* No