@seanmoriartyMV: My boss: "Sean, what do you know about Twitter?" Me: "nothing. Why? What have you heard?"
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@TweetPotato314: [Review] Boss: We’ll be giving you the company car *yawns* Me: A car! B: Sorry, I meant company card *sneezes* M: Well, a card’s still cool. B: Sorry again, It’s the company cardigan. M: Ok, I’m a medium. B: Then you should have known it was a sweater the whole time.
@Ristolable: According to Facebook a bunch of handsome dudes got together and decided to marry all my ex-girlfriends
@Book_Krazy: Me: *showing the priest a gif of a dog chasing his tail* Haha it's like he never stops Priest: Ok but I said "Bring the GIFTS to the alter"
@SortaSarcastic: 90% of life is just having the courage to show up. The other 30% is just checking the math.