@seanmoriartyMV: My boss: "Sean, what do you know about Twitter?" Me: "nothing. Why? What have you heard?"
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@Reverend_Scott: NEWS ANCHOR: Here's Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report. GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk] I quit. Back to you, John.
@wolfpupy: i won 100 dollars worth of chips at the casino, all i had to do was throw a brick through the vending machine glass