@HeyZeus666: My boss thinks that homosexuality is a disease, so I'm calling in gay tomorrow.
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@noogscorner: Batman: *puts on glasses* Hey do I still look like Bruce Wayne? Superman: Um obviously. Batman: Think about that for a second.
@djdarrellripley: Him: Where'd you get that black eye? Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too...
@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"
@Fred_Delicious: wait did that Australian guy say "meteorite" or "mate are ya alright?" *gets hit by a meteorite* "hey mate are ya alri... no you're dead*