@heyevergreen: My boss threw a Snickers at me and I caught it one handed so I think I'd be a good athlete if sports were played with candy bars
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@KindOfASmartass: If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?
@LeahsLounge: Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver.
@TheBoydP: Wife: What do you think our song is? Me: I'd have to say "Happy Birthday". It's the song we've sung together the most. Wife: Idiot...