@ColoChiver: My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume.
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@WistfulBlue: When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you.
@missekay: Hey guys, remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad? Good times.
@anthonyjeselnik: I believe that every single child, regardless of nationality or citizenship, should be forcibly removed from this country.
@5hael: I think I'm a genius.... I just solved a rubiks cube so fast! It only took me 5 minutes and 25 seconds to peel off all the stickers.