@browneyegirl9: My boyfriend asked for a dirty pic last night, I was able to get my whole kitchen in the shot. That should last him a while! He's so weird.
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@decentbirthday: [Battleship: Guilt Edition] Friend: B6 Me: You sunk my Battleship Friend: Hah yes! Me: But 70 people were on the ship. They had children
@Rollmaninoz: [date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct
@aaronnemo: I suck at video games. I mess up the character's life like I have my own. I played Mario today and he ended up $60K in debt and had 4 DUIs.
@bonehugsnirony: Me: algebra is a scam lmao [years later] St. Peter: solve this equation if you want to enter heaven Me: oh no