@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
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@ErrenMichaels: *narrows my eyes at you suspiciously* *keeps narrowing them* *closes them entirely* [naps]
@Elizasoul80: I can't believe I live in a world where our only defense against a blizzard is buying extra milk.
@WilliamAder: It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.
@RdrJay47: [Calls Ex-Girlfriend] Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving.