@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
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@BadassBarbie11: The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
@Marlebean: Did you know stuffing your bra with toilet paper works pretty well... except when it rains.
@jasonroeder: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
@rzarosco: Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions