@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
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@tastefactory: JOB INTERVIEWER: So what are your biggest weaknesses? HE-MAN: Well, I- *job interviewer's fake mustache falls off and it's Skeletor*
@GhantaGuy: It's so annoying when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and they don't accept your friend request.
@kellyoxford: "The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert" - my 9 yr old daughter
@charliedelta7: McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda.