@Goldishocks: My boyfriend is so cute I decided to get another.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@justabloodygame: Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.
@MODAT: Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals.
@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.