@Jenny4ashley: My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like "please untie me" and "just tell me who you are".
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@NotUrGumar: Whenever I feel like I'm a weirdo, I remember they put little panties on peaches in Japan & I don't feel so bad
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* "May I help you, sir?" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme…
@lawyerthoughts: Pro tip: if you absolutely must speak in court, do not put air quotes around "the law". Judges don't like it.