@OkieGirl405: My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I'm kind of scared, I don't speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog
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@shadygrenade: License and registration please. "Bears." Excuse me? "Beaaaaars." Are you drunk sir? "BEAAAARS!" Stop saying bea- *cop is mauled by bears*
@novicefather: [cuddling] her: what are you thinking about? me: these pretzels are making me thirsty
@pinupteacher: [speed dating] Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog? "No." *I take a deep breath and roll my eyes* [timer beeps]
@BuffaloHomo: Instead of being frustrated that you only have a 140 character limit just be thankful that I do.