@BFNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
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@batkaren: Coworker: It'll either work or it won't. Me: Yes. Those would be the two possible outcomes.
@kumailn: What a weird thing that a Presidential candidate is like "I tried to stab my friend" & his opponents are like "no you didn't."
@ibid78: "Something's wrong. He's never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.