@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to have candles on his birthday cake...Wtf are you wishing for? All your dreams came true when you met me.
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@jjhartinger: Co-Worker: You say apparently a lot. Me: Yes, I know. CW: It really bothers me. M: Apparently so. CW: You don't care. M: Apparently not.
@scottthetwat: Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
@DillDoes: *walking in forest* *tree falls and makes a loud noise* WOAH *tree gets up* *tree pull a knife on me* "You didn't hear SHIT" *tree runs off*