@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to have candles on his birthday cake...Wtf are you wishing for? All your dreams came true when you met me.
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@tomipuff: I wish cartoons would have prepared me for working and doing taxes instead of, like, quicksand
@edgarrants: Telling my wife I'm taking her someplace fancy is my way of getting 4 hours to myself while she gets ready.
@flashember: GUY WHO JUST LOVES SHARKS: Can I pet the sharks? SHARK HANDLER (who sometimes makes bad decisions): Yeah that should be ok