@Storminika: My boyfriend just sent me a txt: 'I think I want to see other people.' My reply was, 'You better look out the window.'
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@BlindChow: Your honor, may I approach the bench? "You may." *walks up to bench* *boops judge's nose*
@WilliamAder: Whenever someone tells me they have an IQ of 140, I wonder if that's Fahrenheit or centigrade.
@zachheltzel: Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There's no way they can know your lying.