@Ideal_Victoria: My boyfriend just texted me, “We need to talk.” I think he’s going to propose!
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@silvertongue37: I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse.
@jrza84: Tried new pain medication, and an hour later 3 penguins in military fatigues walked into the room and told me I need to kill Mussolini's cat
@Fickle_Filly: Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.