@Jesssicle: My boyfriend said that I'm more than enough woman for him, and now I'm mad because I think he called me fat.
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@ReticentTurnip: JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees
@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Dying people are drawn toward a bright light. Do you know what that proves? Me: Dying people are moths?
@angibangie: Him: What long nails you have! Me: All the better to capture your DNA with if you murder me. *dating is easy