@Jez1: My boyfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because he doesn't exist.
@ericsshadow: If she calls me cheap one more time I'm gonna return her anniversary gift to 7/11.
@girlontapas: I do things for others...
Like when I'm drunk dancing by myself, Billy Idol style, and I save my friends from being seen with me.
@ehdannyboy: Still my favourite meme.
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."
@TylerLinkin: What rhymes with Autoerotic Asphyxiation? Writing an obituary is hard.