@HaleyMDriscoll: My boyfriend said we could only get one cat. So I'm only getting one cat. One pregnant cat.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: -hey don't shoot me, i'm just the messenger! -oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-
@hippieswordfish: ME: im nervous GIRLFRIEND: dont be M: what are some of his interests GF: he likes football [later] GF'S DAD: nice to meet u M: *tackles him*
@trevso_electric: take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is hidden cameras and the girls are all talking about me.
@KrunkedRobot: Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.