@HaleyMDriscoll: My boyfriend said we could only get one cat. So I'm only getting one cat. One pregnant cat.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daemonic3: [rolls down car window] "Sir there's a baby on your roof!" Wait, if the baby is there... [sees coffee strapped in car seat] Oh thank god!
@dshack8: My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
@SuperJuanderer: Blood is thicker than water. Then again, so is oatmeal, and I would much rather be oatmeal brothers.
@ilovepie84: Whenever I see a new couple on a date I walk up to their table, hold up my phone and tell the guy "You're Wife Sarah says hello".