@SufficientCharm: My boyfriend thinks it's cute when I use the clap emoji but I've just been trying to tell him that I have an STD.
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@DadandBuried: Literally nothing makes me more angry than watching my kid yawn an hour after he dragged me out of bed at 5am.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: I'm completely lost. What's going on in this movie? Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago. Me: Wow! New record.
@ben_watt: Just now on tube. Man in rush loses coat draped round shoulders in train doors. Woman retrieves it and calls out 'Batman, your cape.'
@moose_chocolate: This morning I waved to the garbage men and smiled at coworkers in the elevator and now I'm pretty sure my wife is drugging my coffee.