@SufficientCharm: My boyfriend took me to dinner and insisted I order my food in a robot voice, so I took him to bed and insisted he make Chewbacca noises.
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@Donna_McCoy: Heading to the dentist. I hope they've all taken their Valium and said their prayers.
@HungoverLawyer: Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don't want to touch it any more than you do.
@hunz74: 16 Y.O. employee: "There's a dirty diaper outside. What do I do with it?" Me: "Is there a live baby in it?" Him: "No." Me: "Throw it away."
@iwearaonesie: 9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?