@SufficientCharm: My boyfriend took me to dinner and insisted I order my food in a robot voice, so I took him to bed and insisted he make Chewbacca noises.
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@JustDontBugMe: [god creating raccoons] God: Make a giant squirrel that's dressed like a burglar and greedy af. Angel: But... God: Just do it.
@KattWillliams: Did you know that the new iPhone 5 helps people lose weight? When you pay for it you can't afford to eat for a month.
@fuzzlime: I pronounce CHampagne & CHandelier like CHimp so the lower class thinks I'm "approachable" & the upper class thinks I'm "eclectic"
@goldengateblond: You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list.