@UnicornSyrup: My boyfriend wanted a serious relationship so we stopped smiling at each other.
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@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
@HatfieldAnne: If you've ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11.
@mattvbrady: im about to go on a date. im sure it will be perfectly normal and wont go viral or anything...