@JElvisWeinstein: My brain knows that there's a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
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@DillDoes: [god inventing animals] okay here's a new one. It's an umbrella "okay" made out of jello "alright" and it electrocutes things "you're drunk"
@huntigula: when Jason swung that sleeping bag with a girl in it against a tree in Friday the 13th, I bet for a brief moment the girl was like "wheeee!"
@pinningnut: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches"