@JElvisWeinstein: My brain knows that there's a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@3_arbutus: There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
@PabloGSerski: The secret of a long marriage is accepting the utter euphoria you would feel from strangling your spouse to death isn't worth life in jail.
@Kyle_Raney: How to open a letter: 1. Carefully remove seal 2. Slide your finger unde--okay the seal is back GET THAT SEAL OUT OF THE ROOM NO SEALS ALLO
@moose_chocolate: Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident? Is it possible to stab someone non-violently?