@mishakey: My kid's teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I'm like I do. I'm player 2.

@Only_Fast_Eddie: Some women have mood swings... others have mood theme parks.

@bulls_horns: 1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.

@SweetestSarcasm: If you love someone... Bury them in your backyard so no one can find them. Then you'll have them FOREVER! *looks out window & smiles*

@thestlouisan: -Crowded Restaurant- Me: Table for four, please. [seated] Me: Now, to get married & have two kids...