@wheatnik: My bucket list is just the words "afford things" written in orange crayon on a paper towel.
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@carlyken: A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
@AndrewNadeau0: DATE:I have 2 kids ME:I love kids! D:Good! They- M:Wait, the human or goat kind? D: M:*Trying to contain excitement* Is-is it the goat kind?
@TheMichaelRock: The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.
@MrMildSauce: It's not working. I've napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.