@wheatnik: My bucket list is just the words "afford things" written in orange crayon on a paper towel.
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@Parentpains: Name your child autocorrect, because eventually they'll just finish your sentences and correct you every chance they get too.
@juhipande: I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early.
@CoolCamel69: *pulls home cooked meal out of oven* *family awkwardly stares at me* Yup, this is definitely not my house.
@withanewname: Wife: "Bad day?" Me: "Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid." Wife: "Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get cold."