@Brianhopecomedy: My buddy has a telescope but I don't think he uses it for astronomy. I asked what his favourite constellation was and he said, "Samantha".
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@SaulOdenkirk: Boss: You drink everyday and I think you need an intervention.. Me: I work everyday so I should quit that too? Boss: No.. Me: Good talk
@filmbizpro: Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.