@Brianhopecomedy: My buddy has a telescope but I don't think he uses it for astronomy. I asked what his favourite constellation was and he said, "Samantha".
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@Home_Halfway: WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: Actually it's just emotional comfort after years of being toget- WIFE: *packing* I'll be at my mothers
@raydevito: If Kim Kardashian is allowed to sue Old Navy b/c a model looks like her, then Khloe Kardashian should expect a lawsuit from Chewbacca.
@Jessthesav: If Donald Trump becomes president all the immigrants nd their cultures gunna leave nd white people gunna be stuck with their nasty ass food
@Gooooats: *calls wife into the bedroom* *dims the lights* *turns on Marvin Gaye* *sexily sweeps toddler's collection of trucks off the bed*