@Brianhopecomedy: My buddy has a telescope but I don't think he uses it for astronomy. I asked what his favourite constellation was and he said, "Samantha".
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@StatMan_Who: Are @bt_uk responsible for the crime and violence in our society? @funTweeters @TheComedyHumor @OurNameIsFun
@handsock_butts: [I die and appear in a mysterious place] me: woah, is this heaven or hell? guy: here’s a giant plate of linguine me: must be heaven! guy: you have to eat it without the twirl technique me: aw hell