@IGotsSmarts: My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...
@Dutch_50: Anyone else notice Independence Day is July 4th? Maybe we can work it into our 4th of July celebrations.
@BubblesnBooze: It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter