@IGotsSmarts: My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
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@Pundamentalism: The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you.
@TeejayRush: Marijuana is not a gateway drug... I have never been smoking weed and thought, "I know what this needs! Meth!..."
@ThePocketJustin: My phone case doesn't expose the logo on the back. So it could be anything. I could be speaking on two mirrors with foam in the middle.
@ixix82: By 33, you'd think I'd have figured out at some point along the way where to put my arms when I sleep.