@solommb: My car has the innate super power of knowing when I have any extra money and spontaneously breaking down.
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@WittySassBasket: I like to finish my pelvic exam by asking the doctor 'hey, where'd your watch go?'
@david8hughes: [fancy restaurant] Me: do you have orange cat food? Wife [whispers to waiter]: he means lasagna
@PhilJamesson: Fortune Teller: I see a trip in your future Me [cancelling a week-long trip to Peru]: haha nope. wrong, idiot. [fall down stairs as I leave]
@caliluvgirl77: 1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money