@lovemydogduck: My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit
@Thynebear: "Is your refrigerator running?" "My fridge used to run every day, but ever since he started smoking marijuana he just lays on the couch."