@man_spach: My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood.
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@better_off_dad: 13: Can I have the password for Amazon? Me: Certainly, honey. Ready? 13: Yep Me: I-N-Y-O-U-R-D-R-E-A-M-S
@ohthatbadger: X: I hate when the cat just stands like that, frozen. Why does he do that? Me: He's on paws. X: … Me: 😁 On… paws. X: I hate you so much.
@audipenny: Welcome to The News. Tonight's top story: you know that thing you love? It's terrible and you're terrible. Thanks,