@man_spach: My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood.
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@asimplesean: Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him
@SonOfCha: Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"
@TheBoydP: The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake...