@littlelady899: My cardio is mostly just running out of excuses not to exercise.
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@AlanFelyk: “You’re driving us apart!” —Crazy woman you met on eHarmony who’s hanging onto your windshield wipers as you turn the corner
@Man_Ona_Ledge: That moment when u get shampoo in your eye And start wondering what you will name your guide dog.
@KalvinMacleod: How to determine what party to vote for: 1) Calculate income 2) Divide by number of dependents 3) Subtract age 4) Download Game of War