@WilliamAder: My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."
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@AmberTozer: Girl: Gonna keep having sex with this guy until he changes for me Guy: Can't believe she keeps having sex w/me I better not change a thing
@YUCKYBOT: The difference between my "Maine lobster" and my "main lobster" is boiling water or a high five.
@david8hughes: [donating blood] "You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?" "No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."