@Lisabug74: My cat and I made a best friend pact tonight. If I die first, he won't eat my body. Or if he dies first, I won't use his skull as a cup.
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@Sickayduh: Good cop: WHAT ARE YOU DOING - HE WAS UNARMED Dog cop: *plants a vacuum cleaner on body*
@FattMernandez: I just saw a pizza delivery guy get in a terrible accident. I feel so bad. Someone's just sitting around, wondering where their pizza is.
@o__0Dev: I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!