@WilliamAder: My cat didn't get me a Father's Day card and things are a little tense around here right now.
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@HatfieldAnne: With literally no way of knowing if you were cursed by an evil witch as a baby, why would you take a spinning class?
@Elizasoul80: First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] "I'm a model."
@Reverend_Scott: Cops: THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. Me: I can't, my dog fell asleep on my lap. Cops: AWWWW. OK WE'LL COME BACK LATER.
@Fred_Delicious: Simba - "welcome to... The bone zone" Nala - "the what?" Simba - "elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"