@ewfeez: My cat is 11 and still only has one word, should I be worried.
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@stuckinaportal: *leans over sink* *splashes face w cold water* *stares at self in mirror* *returns to couch where my niece is playing mario kart* best of 3
@YayatiSB: My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs.
@_SingleBabyMama: So, I'm officially off the market. Got a DM from a faceless Avi proposing marriage in broken English. We're planning a June wedding!
@GrabTheWEness: I lost 30 lbs, and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now, though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.