@ewfeez: My cat is 11 and still only has one word, should I be worried.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit.
@AnitaHelmet: Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that's sad. But 100% of married people will die, and isn't that a greater tragedy?
@eeethanford: *Stubs cigarette out in palm to look tough* *waits till everyone leaves* *takes out cell phone* Hello 911? Please send all your ambulances
@kelter1: Pharrell Williams put out a fire on Kim Kardashian's dress this week. Dude is really taking that Smokey the Bear hat of his to heart.