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@ewfeez: My cat is 11 and still only has one word, should I be worried.
@jackiembouvier: I can tell Spring is almost here because I'm on the verge of wanting to kill myself but I'd also like to plant some bulbs.
@ch000ch: [gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot's asleep
@thatUPSdude: It's common knowledge talking shit will result in dental work.
@sofarrsogud: NARRATOR: When camping be wary of savage bears trying to take your food
*camera pans to a bear holding glass of wine with a wtf expression
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: you've had enough
ME (eating my 68th breadstick): aw man
OLIVE GARDEN MANAGER: let him eat one more lol