@juneohara65: My cat is smarter than I am but I'm brighter than most plants, so I feel like I'm holding my own.
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@1_swarthy_dude: [texting] HotGirl: Help me ace the Periodic Table test tomorrow? Nerd: Selenium Neodymium Neon Tungsten Darmstadtium HG: ? N: SeNd NeWDs
@Jacob_Swift16: You know you're the family addict when it's time to light birthday candles & everyone looks at you knowing you have a lighter in your pocket
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: You need a kidney transplant. Me: A transplant? Dr: Don't worry, I've never lost a patient. I know where each one is buried. Me:
@InThaBurbs: Nothing wakes you up faster than a 5 y/o kicking open your door like SWAT and jumping on you in bed.