@juneohara65: My cat is smarter than I am but I'm brighter than most plants, so I feel like I'm holding my own.
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@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
@DamienFahey: Congratulations, Americans who write "Cheers" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than "Sent from my iPhone"
@AlexReekie: Just wrote "58008" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future.