@PowKapowBoom: My cat is stuck in a Cheeto bag and I'm really pissed that I didn't think of that first.
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@Abusitron: Waitress: "Enjoy your meal" Patron: "you too" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]
@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
@TheCatWhisprer: They say you should eat 6 small meals a day to lose weight so being an overachiever I have been eating 26 a day.
@DanMentos: [commercial] "This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling" narrator: Narrators