@_davidlucas_: My cat jumped off me unexpectedly, so I get it, Europe. I get it.
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@badbanana: No thanks, Trix cereal. I have enough drama in my life without a rabbit trying to steal my breakfast.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.
@phranqueigh: "You're not like the other girls." "Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."
@behindyourback: *a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?