@Manda_like_wine: My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said "not now" so wish us luck we're officially married.
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@SteveKoehler22: Remember that it's "i before e" ... Except when feigning a heist on a weird, feisty, beige foreign neighbor.
@jctwritesstuff: The war on Christmas? Yeah, I started it. But in my defense, maybe Santa warns a person before his home invasion and I don't take him out.
@RoastedPapad: *Buys new iPhone* *Crosses road tweeting about it* *Accident* *Dies* *Makes entry in heaven* - Sent via iPhone.