@Manda_like_wine: My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said "not now" so wish us luck we're officially married.
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@iGreenMonk: Son:Dad, what is 'creeping inflation'? Father:It's when your mother starts out asking for new shoes and ends up with a complete new outfit.
@briangaar: Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting
@PyrBliss: If you don't swear when you're driving, you aren't paying enough attention to the road.
@louisvirtel: I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess.